mediocrity.

The physique is getting on track I believe, but I'm lost. I feel better but then think I must be imagining the progress. I've not lost a great deal of weight - I don't have an accurate figure at the moment as to how much I've lost, but it's not a massive amount. Maybe 6lbs max. No one has noticed with the exception of Rich who gives it mixed reviews (I won't lie, he likes the rack, which obviously subsides a little when I'm training harder). My clothes still fit. I look around and feel as though everyone around me is thinner, buffer or lighter than me, I don't feel as if the work I'm putting in is being reflected in what I'm left with. I want my commitment to show, but it just doesn't and it's bumming me out. I'm Mrs Mediocre. Not a fast runner, or a distance runner, or strong enough to enter any comps, or fit enough to look as though I work out, or slim enough to fit into size 10. I hate being average.

Short of becoming a crossfitter, I've no idea how to excel.

Deep Heat

Not so much 'Deep Heat' as 'Deep Scold'.

'Why fight Gina, why fight?'

So I need to get this off my chest because as the weeks pass by, more people are asking, 'why do you fight Gina? You're a nice girl with so much going for you, so why do you need to fight?'

As if I'm doing it to compensate for some sort of shortfall in my life. Huh. I've always been a tomboy, I always climbed trees and played with my brother's toys instead of my own, I've only owned one doll and I hated it, I've always preferred trousers to skirts, boots to high heels, etc, etc. I wore Doc Martins under my sodding wedding dress.

So, now I'm an adult, it hardly seems unnatural for me to lift heavy, sweat lots, and ultimately train really damn hard, and bollocks to my 'feminine mystique'. I love it and I don't see why I should justify that to anyone.

I'm not out drinking my health away, or eating crap and moaning when I get fat (not often anyway!), or popping pills for whatever reason. In fact, the last time I was on antibiotics was pre-teens, how many people can say that? And, I sleep like a baby. Every night.

I'm not invincible or even close to being happy with myself, but at least I'm trying. If I'm going to bust my hump in the gym 5 or 6 days a week and eat sugar free jelly while my friends eat popcorn and Haribo, then I want to be seeing results. Right now, while I'm fighting, I'm doing something I thoroughly enjoy, which requires skill, discipline and patience, and as a consequence am also getting in shape doing it. Why waste your time doing classes that you hate in the pursuit of what you want? Doesn't that fundamentally contradict itself? It would take you twice as many aerobics or boxercise classes to get the results of my classes, and I guarantee it wouldn't be as much fun.

At the end of the day I'm not 'out scrappin', I'm fighting in a safe environment with all the protective gear on, with a referee who, surprisingly enough, doesn't want to see me unconscious. I know people are entitled to their opinion, and that's not what this is about. If people ask me, 'why fight?' and are genuinely interested in the answer then I'm happy to discuss it.

I just don't need the sanctimonious judgement.

day 6...

Day 6...
The mood swings. Ohhh the mood swings, my poor poor husband. No sugar makes Gina a very grumpy girl. But we're nearly there. I'm delighted to report I've lost 4lbs, and 2% body fat (every little helps...). Possibly it'll come back on when I start eating properly again, but then maybe not - I've certainly learnt from it, and now know what I can and can't cope with. Maybe I'll do the main part of the diet but include some cereal or porridge in the morning to stop the suicidal tendencies. Or, it was suggested that I could do the diet for 5 days then eat carbs for the other 2, sort of like this 5:2 diet people keep rattling on about. I couldn't do the 5:2 diet the proper way it's meant to be done because I need more energy than 500 calories can provide, especially if I'm training. Plus I'd probably just pass out and die anyway - I take my hat off to anyone who does it successfully.

diet despair...

I was right. The headache is indeed the worst bit about this diet. It's not severe but it's persistent, and a little draining.

I'm sticking to the diet almost to the letter, the only real variation being some fat free Greek yogurt and 30g raisins this evening just to stop me keeling over. I actually rather like having eggs for breakfast, and because it's a savoury start, the sweet cravings don't kick in until much later in the day. Although I'm not planning on doing this long term, I do think it's acting as a good detox which is going to help me kick my addiction to sweet things, thus ultimately helping me to keep my weight down. So just to give you a quick idea of what I'm eating, it's scrambled egg whites (plus one yolk) with either spinach or turkey (tomorrow I'm going to have both - what a pig!), protein shake, 50g almonds, salad with cherry tomatoes and some kind of meat (pastrami tomorrow, nice change from turkey) plus just a little bit of light mayo (not strictly allowed on the diet but otherwise I won't eat it), another protein shake, some almond milk to get me through the afternoon and finally meat with green veg, tonight it was lean lamb and mint burgers with cabbage.

I don't feel great, but I'm not dying. I have enough energy to train, and my body isn't being deprived of anything that it can't cope without (double negatives there...confused myself). I think one of the main things is getting my head round it - yesterday the thought of salad was making me wretch, but eventually I had to eat it because I gave myself no alternative. When I did eat it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think the same sort of psychology can be applied to a sweet tooth but in reverse - the feeling of eating something sweet is never as satisfying as you think it's going to be. This diet is fairly easy when I'm in work because there's a routine, but the weekend is going to be a big challenge, especially Saturday night with my friends.

Dig deep Gina, dig deep.

Bootcamp & detox

Bootcamp has begun. It's brilliant. The group of guys who do it are pretty awesome, as is the coach (hereby called Sam). He isn't constantly singling me out for having an extra X instead of Y chromosome. I have been plagued by injury as usual - when I first started I was in physio for my ankle as per my previous post, so I was whinging about that with all the bouncing you need to do in boxing. I kept up with the exercises religiously then lo and behold, my ankle was fine - literally 100% better. Who'd have thought physio would actually work?! Anyway. One injury sorted, in comes another, as is the standard for me. I blame my hypermobility. If I over train a body part without meaning to, instead of getting aching muscles I get painful ligaments. So my latest one is my left elbow which is currently so bad that I have to take anti-inflammatories before every session otherwise I'll be weeping in the corner within 20 minutes. I do try not to moan about it - especially as women already have a rep for being whiney - but sometimes people just notice. Credit where it's due, Sam is very good at looking after his fighters - he spotted me in stealth mode, spraying Deep Heat on my elbow and asked about it, which is something a lot of trainers don't bother to do. I've noticed him looking after the others too - we're a broken bunch with arthritic knees, damaged hip flexors, dodgy ankles. Not to mention the injuries inflicted on one another - bloody noses, bitten tongues, clicking jaws... 

Anyway. The realization is dawning that actually, getting smacked because I didn't move away in time isn't much fun. Because as well as the whole getting hit thing - which hurts - there's the fact that if I'm getting hit, I'm doing it wrong. That makes me mad.

Apart from getting naffed off about my skillset (or lack thereof...), I'm training hard. Every day where I can. I reason that if I'm going to go and fight, I'm going to do it in peak condition. Consequently, tomorrow I am starting a week of hell. I've got a plan from Matt Towers (Team Forge - if you don't know them, Google them) - he says it's a regime for a fighter. It's only 4 sessions a week, which is bad enough, but that's on top of bootcamp and other workouts I'll put myself through. My new regime mainly consists of weight training super-setted with short bursts of cardio - it's hideous but I have no doubt it'll be worth it. As well as a new regime I'm starting a week of dieting. The diet consists of protein and greens. That's essentially all. Oh - and some almonds. It's only a week, I must remember that. It'll accelerate some weight loss, which everyone knows I am constantly trying for, and it should also detox my body of all the nasty sugars I am so fond of. So this is what my fridge looks like, £95 later...

I'd like to say I'll be documenting this diet, but I probably won't be. I'll have a headache the size of Russia.